ghostype | you can drag me through hell (if it meant i could hold your hand) [1/4]

title: you can drag me through hell (if it meant i could hold your hand)
pairing: jay/jungwon, jake/jungwon, sunoo/jungwon
rating: mature
summary: jungwon is a test of jongseong’s self-control and anger management, and he's failing miserably.

notes: this is it. this is the beginning of the end. thank you, everyone, for all the love you've given this series. thank you for all the comments, kudos, bookmarks. and most of all, thank you for all your kind words. it's been a long ass ride, and i'm ready to get off at the next stop. <3

title from follow you by bring me the horizon.

31/03/2022 edit // okay, so i lied. there's gonna be a part 6 because there's too much for me to wrap up in a single chapter. it's not over yet. i'm still screaming into the void.

the last thing jungwon remembers is feeling someone press a kiss to his forehead. the next thing he remembers is waking up in a bed that isn’t his own, groggy and disoriented.

then the smell of autumn leaves and a roaring campfire surround him, and he knows the arms wrapped around him belong to park jongseong.

groaning, jungwon pulls himself out of the older male’s embrace and rolls towards the end of the bed, bracing himself at the edge for a moment when his vision swims. he’s vaguely aware of the too big pajamas on his frame that don’t belong to him.

jungwon gets to his feet when the world stops spinning around him and makes his way out of jongseong’s room and towards the stairs. he hears shuffling coming from the kitchen and makes his way there to see jongseong’s mother putting away things into the fridge.

when she hears noise behind her, she turns and offers jungwon a smile. “oh, jungwon. you’re awake. are you hungry? it’s a little late in the afternoon, but i can make you some breakfast, if you’re interested. or coffee? or some hot chocolate, if coffee isn’t your thing.”

“hi. uh… hot chocolate if you don’t mind. i don’t wanna trouble you or anything,” jungwon says quietly, sitting down at the island as jongseong’s mom nods.

“it’s not any trouble. i heard you were having a rough time.” she keeps her voice light, but they both know a ‘rough time’ is a bit of an understatement. a comfortable silence settles over them, punctuated with the sounds of clinking cups and running water.

she sets the mug of hot chocolate down in front of him and sits down, cup of coffee between her own hands. “do you want to talk about any of it?”

jungwon turns the cup around between his hands, shaking his head. “not now. not yet. it’s… a lot.”

jongseong’s mom nods. “how are you and jongseong getting along? any better?”

the wry smile and snort that escapes jungwon tells her all she needs to know. “i told my husband not to let him do something like that, that young but alphas. you understand, unfortunately, i think.”

“unfortunately,” jungwon repeats, taking a sip of his hot chocolate, wincing when he burns his tongue.

“i think this is the part where i’m supposed to ask you to give my son a chance, that he’s not all that bad, but as he gets older, he really is just like his father.”

jungwon casts a glance at jongseong’s mom, who’s staring off into the distance, absently stirring her coffee with her left hand.

“no offense but full offense, he’s an asshole.”

jongseong’s mom laughs, turning to jungwon and reaching out to gently pat his cheek. “i know, but he cares in his own way. they kinda have to be that way, though, because of what our family does. react first, deal with the aftermath later.”

jungwon knows. he’s heard the names before. the park dynasty. the sim empire. the kim authority. some of the most powerful families on the planet.

they both sigh. “i have a question, if you don’t mind,” jungwon says, turning his eyes over to jongseong’s mom.

“ask away.”

“did you... did you ever love anyone else? do you love your husband?”

she blinks a few times before a small, fond smile appears on her face. “i did. a long time ago. but you know what it’s like for us. sometimes, the only thing you can do is make the best of your situation, even if it’s not with someone you love.”

jongseong’s knuckles have seen better days. they’re still aching as he stands next to jungwon in the elevator at the office, flexing his fingers. jungwon spent the last few days attached to his mother at the hip, asking more questions and avoiding him until jongseong said they had to go to the office to take care of some business.

the silence between the two of them is as awkward as it’s always been, but jongseong counts it as a small win, when jungwon doesn’t flinch away from him when he comes near.

the elevator doors open, and jongseong takes the lead automatically, jungwon falling into step behind him, eyes roaming the hallway until jongseong opens the door to his office and lets jungwon walk inside first.

he takes off his jacket and throws it over the back of his chair before sitting on the front of his desk, gesturing to the comfortable armchairs in front of him for jungwon to sit.

“you and mom get along pretty well,” he says, attempting to break the silence.

“yeah. it’s nice that she’s there. gave me some good advice and stuff that my mom never bothered with.”

jongseong nods. he’s eavesdropped in on their conversations a few times. his heart breaks when he hears jungwon’s eager voice ask her a question, and his mom responds lovingly. jungwon looks so starved for love, he practically blooms under his mom’s care.

“are we waiting for something?”

“sunoo and sunghoon. we’re gonna go over the events of the past few days and figure out where to go from here.”

this time, jungwon nods. he hasn’t seen either of them since the day he called sunoo in the middle of the night, and sunoo called sunghoon to fix him up. he hasn’t been back to his house either, wearing jongseong’s clothes instead. he knows jongseong is enjoying seeing him in his clothes.

jongseong stares at the dark circles under jungwon’s eyes that blend seamlessly with healing bruises. he follows the path of cuts on his lip down to the finger-shaped bruises around his neck.

sunghoon told him he has some cigarette burns underneath his shirt and extensive bruising on the rest of his body. he thinks about how it makes sense now, why jungwon always wore long sleeves, no matter what the weather was like outside.

he thinks about all the times he grabbed jungwon, all the times he grabbed him without knowing about the bruises that littered his skin, how much he unknowingly hurt him. how he inadvertently added to the bruises once.

then he thinks about how jungwon didn’t breathe a word about it to anyone until calling sunoo in the middle of the night, and his anger flares again.

“why didn’t you tell me he was doing this to you? we could’ve stopped this before it got this bad.” his voice is trembling, and he’s trying hard not to lash out at jungwon because it’s not his fault.

it’s not his fault, jongseong reasons with himself. he would’ve never told you first, and you know damn well why. don’t get pissed off for no reason. but he is. jongseong is indeed pissed off for no reason other than the fact that he wanted to be the one jungwon went to for help. he wanted to be the one that jungwon turns to for comfort.

jungwon laces his fingers together in his lap, staring blankly at the floor. he lifts his head after a few seconds and makes eye contact with jongseong. jongseong sees something swirling behind jungwon’s eyes. he looks sad. haunted.

“why didn’t you tell me, wonnie? why did i have to find out from sunoo? why did i have to find out the extent of your injuries from sunghoon?” jongseong’s eyes are piercing, eyebrows furrowed. jungwon thinks he looks like an eagle, searching for prey to rip apart. he looks like he’s one step away from breaking something, and if the state of his knuckles mean anything, jungwon feels sorry for whoever was on the receiving end of his wrath.

“do you want the truth? or a lie?” jungwon says finally.

the air between them gets heavy as jongseong grips the edge of his desk, knuckles protesting in pain. but he doesn’t care. all he can do is stare at the omega in front of him.

“why would i want you to lie to me?”

jungwon turns his eyes up, taking a deep breath in, and letting it out slowly as he thinks of what to say. “because,” he starts, "sometimes, a lie is what keeps you alive. it's what gives you hope in your tiny, miserable existence." he takes another shuddering breath in before closing his eyes. "i'll ask you again. do you want the truth, or a lie?"

before jongseong can answer, the swings open, revealing sunoo and sunghoon looking just as tired as jungwon feels.

“wonnie! how are you feeling? has jay been behaving?” sunoo makes a beeline for jungwon, gently cradling his face between his hands. jungwon mumbles something about being better and things hurting less. sunoo doesn’t make a comment about jungwon wearing jongseong’s clothes, but he can tell he’s burning to ask more detailed questions.

“don’t suffocate him, ‘noo. c’mon.” sunghoon pulls sunoo away from jungwon, throwing an arm over the back of sunoo’s chair as he settles down into it with a huff.

jongseong sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “now that you two have so graciously joined us. status?”

“i had my fun with heeseung,” sunoo says absently. the corner of his mouth curls up in a grin.

“cleaned him up, made him disappear. also let him know that if he wants to cause any trouble, we’ll make him disappear for good. he’ll recover, mostly. dunno about the psychological damage sunoo caused, but physically, he’ll heal.”

sunoo scoffs. “please. he was already damaged to begin with. i’d still keep an eye on him, just in case. the rest of the family?” he raises an eyebrow over at jongseong.

“mostly taken care of. his dad owed a bunch of money to some loan sharks, and his mom skipped down as soon as heeseung disappeared. didn’t even look back. i paid off who i could find.”

sunoo casts a pitying glance over to jungwon, who looks like he just wants to disappear into himself. “i guess i’ll do some damage control with the families in the circle. fucking, shitty ass vultures,” he mumbles underneath his breath.

sunghoon smiles at sunoo and gently reaches out to massage the back of his neck. “that just leaves jungwon."

jungwon feels three different pairs of eyes on him, sending a chill down his spine. he looks from sunoo, to sunghoon, to jongseong, then back to sunoo again.

“what are my options? do i even have options?”

“i wouldn’t suggest going back to your house. i haven’t tracked down everyone that’s been looking for your dad yet,” jongseong says, crossing his arms over his chest.

“can i stay with sunoo?”

the smug smile on sunoo’s face make both jongseong and sunghoon glare at him. jongseong because it’s not fucking fair, jungwon belongs to me, not you, and sunghoon because i finally get sunoo all to myself, and his little omega ass is trying to worm his way in?

sunoo can practically hear their overlapping thoughts: you better say no.

“little love, you know i’d love nothing more, but i’m leaving the country soon, and i don’t want to leave you by yourself.”

jungwon stares at him for a moment, body deflating because he knows exactly what that means. “i’m guessing that means i won’t be able to live by myself?” he side-eyes jongseong, whose frown sets a little heavier into his features.

"i'll cut to the chase, jungwon. the safest place for you right now is with me. i'd rather you stay with me because you want to, but i guess i can't be too picky when it comes to you, huh?" the coldness in jongseong’s voice surprises jungwon a little bit, but he keeps it from showing on his face, only allowing a slight raise of his eyebrows.

the two of them stare at each other, the tension in the room rising to uncomfortable levels. it's moments like these jongseong wishes he could read jungwon's thoughts. he wants to understand what he's thinking, but jungwon refuses to give anything away.

“let me talk to jungwon, you two. alone," sunoo says, glaring pointedly at the two alphas in the room.

jungwon spots traces of anger, jealousy, and something else in jongseong's eyes. his eyes burn into him, but jungwon refuses to look away.

“out.” there’s a finality in sunoo’s voice that spurs sunghoon into action, kicking at jongseong to make him follow. sunoo waits until the door clicks behind them to pull jungwon onto his lap for cuddles. jungwon wraps his arms around sunoo, pouting into his sweater.

“do you really have to go? do i really have to live with him?” jungwon starts making whining noises, and sunoo finds it harder to tell him what’s next.

"i'd try to convince him just to let the two of you leave near each other, but he's gotten a taste of what it's like to be next to you. he didn't leave your side for more than a few minutes while you were knocked out, recovering."

jungwon is quiet. despite being in sunoo's arms, he feels trapped. somehow, he's gotten cornered by park jongseong, and he doesn't like it.

“remember what i said about throwing him a bone? about how sometimes, you have to do stuff you don’t like now, so the long term consequences aren’t as bad? this is one of those times, wonnie. right now, the only one who can keep you safe is him.”

jungwon sighs, his grip on sunoo’s sweater loosening. sunoo frowns and holds jungwon closer to him. “if he tries or does anything you don’t want him to, just let me know, okay? i’ll come back as soon as possible, or i’ll send sunghoon, something. i’m not abandoning you,” sunoo says softly, pressing his nose into jungwon’s hair. then sunoo feels it. jungwon is trembling in his arms, and his alpha's jaws are metaphorically snapping angrily, wondering why his precious omega is scared.

"what are you scared of, wonnie?"

when jungwon finally answers, sunoo feels his heart break a little bit more.

"... who's going to keep me safe from him?"

the next few months pass by in a blur.

jungwon’s things are moved to a penthouse in the heart of the city. he transfers to a school practically owned by the park dynasty. part of jungwon wonders why jongseong didn’t go to this school until a little voice reminds him that jongseong probably stayed at his previous school for him.

jungwon makes one new friend but keeps him at arm’s length. he spends even more time on his art now (niki, his new friend, likes to watch him draw for inspiration before abandoning him to work on his own art), and a few of his teachers are impressed. there are talks of them displaying his works in an art gallery downtown, and jungwon hopes it’s because of his skill and not his connection to jongseong. he’s not stupid enough to believe he doesn’t get preferential treatment at his new school.

sunoo is out of the country on business, but he calls jungwon every now and then to check on him and see how he’s faring. jungwon misses him like crazy, finding himself drawing the man more and more in his practice sketches.

sunghoon will come by to visit, either to hang out with jongseong at home (which jungwon can’t understand why since they already spend twenty-four seven with each other for work), or to spend a little time talking to jungwon, poking and prodding at his mental state, probably at sunoo’s behest.

jungwon will also spend time with jongseong’s mom, when being at the penthouse around jongseong is too much. he’ll catch the bus to the stop closest to their home and walk the rest of the way. his mom is always happy to see him ("please, darling, call me mom. it's so nice to have another omega around."), fretting over him and how he needs to sleep and eat more ("do you want some of my curry to take home? i know you like it."), and asking if her son is treating him well ("you tell me if jongseong puts a toe out of line because that boy can really be too much.").

the only person who’s been absent from jungwon’s life for far too long is jake, and jungwon knows he had something he was working on that would take him out of communication for a while. his heart aches thinking about the other boy, wishing he could just feel the safety of his arms again.

on the other end of the spectrum, jungwon feels like he spends every waking moment with jongseong.

he wakes up, jongseong takes him to school. he blinks, then jongseong is there to take him home. jongseong takes him to school every morning and picks him up without fail, unless he’s physically incapable of being there or out of the country. if jungwon is staying after school for something, he waits.

after they get home, jungwon retreats to the room that doubles as a study and his studio to do homework and draw. jongseong will make him a snack before heading back to the office, and more often than not, he’ll also be home for dinner. sometimes, they’ll go have dinner with jongseong’s mom.

he makes small talk with jungwon, and jungwon answers his questions, mentioning a few things happening at school. jungwon will ask him how work is going, and jongseong tells him the bare minimum for security reasons. sometimes, he’ll bring up stories about sunoo and sunghoon, just to watch him smile and laugh quietly.

jungwon is trying. he’s trying to be what jongseong wants him to be, but a voice in the back of his head keeps him on edge.

he’s like this now, but what happens when you inevitably piss him off?

an image of heeseung's grin appears in the back of his mind, making him shudder.

“jungwon? are you okay?”

the younger boy snaps out of his thoughts, looking up from his food to see a concerned look on jongseong’s face. his eyebrows are slightly raised in question, but jungwon gives him a weak smile.

“i’m fine, just… was thinking about something and lost my train of thought. tried to get it back but…” he shrugs before shoveling more food into his mouth.

“you know you can tell me if something’s bothering you, right? are you worried about something?”

jungwon just shakes his head slowly. “i’m fine. really. don’t worry, okay?”

jongseong doesn’t look completely convinced, but for jungwon’s sake, he drops the subject, making the boy's shoulders sag in relief.

the first time jongseong gets mad at jungwon, it's after being scared shitless.

he comes home from work as usual, calling for jungwon from the doorway. usually, jungwon's answering call is immediate, unless the boy is asleep at his desk again, but none of the lights are on in the penthouse.

"jungwon? where are you?" jongseong makes a sweep through the kitchen, the living room, then to jungwon's bedroom.

all empty.

he feels the pit of his stomach drop when his phone rings, immediately pulling it out to see his mother calling him.

"mom? are you okay?"

"it's me, jongseong. sorry, i accidentally left my phone at my desk and didn't notice until i went to check the time." jungwon's voice floats from the phone, and jongseong feels a weight lifted from his shoulders.

"fucking hell. why didn't you tell me you were going to my mom's before you left?"

"i didn't think about it. i was calling to let you know i'm gonna spend the night here. mom's gonna take me out to the farmer's market early in the morning tomorrow, if you wanna come."

jongseong runs a hand through his hair, pushing open the door to the room that doubles as jungwon's study and studio. he spots jungwon's phone sitting on his desk next to a ragged sketchpad.

"right. i'll probably pass on the farmer's market, but we can go out for breakfast after. do you want me to bring you your phone?"

"i don't need it right this minute. you can bring it to breakfast tomorrow. thanks, jongseong." jongseong hears his mother in the background yelling a hello, making a tired grin tug at his lips.

"tell mom i said hi. i'll see you tomorrow, then."

"yeah. good night."

jongseong heaves a sigh and sits down at jungwon's desk, reaching out to turn on the lamp. his heart is still beating out of his chest. it's ridiculous, how easily his emotions run wild when it comes to jungwon.

he stares at jungwon's phone before reaching for it. the screen automatically lights up, and jongseong sees a picture of jungwon and sunoo, cheeks pressed together with bright smiles on their faces. nothing about the picture tells him when it was taken, but jongseong feels the jealousy bubbling in his stomach.

sure, he had pictures of jungwon, some he took secretly while admiring him, others, he called for the boy so he could at least have a front facing picture. but they didn't really have any pictures together. jongseong has plenty of pictures of sunghoon and sunoo (only because sunoo insists on taking sixty thousand selfies and pictures of them wherever they go), but the lack of jungwon makes him sad.

he swipes up on the lock screen, and a number pad appears, asking for his passcode.

don't do it, jay. this is an invasion of his privacy. isn't it enough that you two are living together? his mind asks him, but the reasonable part of him has always been too quiet. instead, he listens to the unreasonable side.

a quick peek never hurt anyone. it shouldn't matter if you do it because he's not hiding anything from you right? but park jongseong knows jungwon is hiding something. jungwon hides a lot from him, and there are days where he wants to shake him until all of his secrets fall out, and jongseong knows everything he's ever wanted to know about jungwon.

he presses a few buttons in order, swallowing when the lock screen disappears, and jungwon's home screen fades in. jungwon's background picture is of the sunset. the sun is sinking into the river, and the reflection in the water distorts the orange glow.

jongseong doesn't realize how hard he's squeezing jungwon's phone until his hand relaxes. what was i expecting?

still, jongseong isn't convinced there's nothing else for him to look at as he dives into jungwon's contacts. all he sees are numbers to restaurants, him, his mother, sunoo, sunghoon. he goes through the call history, through his text messages, and jongseong doesn't find anything of note.

then he opens up the picture gallery. jongseong scrolls through what looks like progress pictures of something he's working on for school. there's more pictures of sunrises, sunsets, clouds, the rain. there's a stream of pictures of sunoo taking selfies with jungwon's phone. he even spots the occasional picture of sunghoon.

and even rarer, jongseong finds pictures of himself. jungwon has a smattering of pictures of him, usually from the side, when he's not looking. most of them, he looks serious, but there's one where he's looking down, but he's smiling. at what, he doesn't remember.

jongseong sighs, placing jungwon's phone back on the desk. what was he looking for? he drums his fingers on the desk for a moment before his hand bumps one of the icons on the screen, and it turns yellow. the words 'we lost the summer' appear before a text box appears below it, cursor blinking.

"we lost the summer?" at the mention of summer, jongseong's eyes flash red. the summer, the summer he was gone and sim jake somehow managed to make jungwon fall in love with him.

jongseong types jake's name, full name, then just his first name, each time, nothing happening on the screen.

"we lost the summer... we... lost the summer..." jongseong repeats to himself, and then his eyes widen. it's a song jungwon sings to himself when he's working sometimes. jongseong wracks his brain for the words, and when he can't figure it out, he pulls out his own phone and searches for the lyrics.

with shaking hands, he picks up jungwon's phone again and types in the words 'when we lost each other,' and the yellow screen disappears, pulling up another photo gallery.

jongseong freezes. his stomach drops again. his blood runs cold.

somehow, his fingers move mechanically, going through the pictures of jungwon and sim jake. the gallery is a mixture of pictures of jungwon and jake, separately or together. the smile on jungwon's face is unlike anything he's ever seen on the boy's face, reminiscent of the day he stumbled on the two together at the swings.

jongseong clenches his fist seeing the way jake is smiling because of jungwon. because of his jungwon. he stops on a video, pressing on it to let it play.

"jake!" jungwon's voice calls from the recording. jongseong sees him hold a finger heart in front of the camera, where jake is skating towards him, grin on his face. he returns the finger hearts with a laugh before crashing into jungwon, and the sounds of giggling reaches his ears.

there's another video, where jake is sitting next to the riverbank staring at the sunset. the video is like that until jake looks back at jungwon, raising an eyebrow. "i know i'm handsome, but you can stop taking pictures of me now."

"i'm just enjoying the view," jungwon replies. "and i guess the sunset is nice, too." jongseong watches jake blink at him a few times in confusion before a huge smile takes over his face.

"get over here, you cheeky little shit."

the last video in the gallery is the one that ruins jongseong.

jungwon is holding his phone in front of him, using the front facing camera. he's making various faces at it while jake rests his chin on jungwon's shoulder, laughing and throwing up peace signs. then jake turns to kiss jungwon's cheek, right on his dimple. then jungwon turns his head, and the two of them kiss, both of them smiling into it. when they pull away, there's so much adoration and love in their eyes, jongseong throws his phone as hard as he can at the wall, watching it break apart and splinter before crashing to the floor along with the pieces of his heart.

jungwon talks animatedly at breakfast about the farmer's market while jongseong's mother nods along, fond smile on her face. jongseong forces a smile to his face, interjecting with questions here and there.

"did you have a long night at work? you look like you hardly slept," his mom says, furrowing her eyebrows slightly.

"yeah. there was an emergency in the middle of the night i had to take care of, so i didn't get much sleep."

jungwon frowns. "you could've said you were tired instead of listening to me yap about how cute the cacti were."

"you were excited. it's cute," jongseong says with a shrug, poking at his food.

"oh, speaking of cute. do you have my phone? i wanna take some pictures of them later."

jongseong purses his lips. "about that. uh, don't get mad at me, okay?"

jungwon stops, raising his eyebrows in question. "what do you mean?"

"i grabbed your phone when i left this morning. i was looking for my keys and accidentally left your phone on top of the car and forgot about it until..." jongseong watches jungwon go pale.

"... until?"

"until it fell off the car, and i heard crunching noises when i ran over it."

"jongseong! how could you be so careless?" his mother scolds him. jongseong pretends to look ashamed, but inwardly, there's a smug smile on his face at the way jungwon looks like his world just fell apart.

"i'm sorry, wonnie. i can take you to get a new one after breakfast?"

jongseong's mom reaches over to jungwon and tucks some of his hair behind his ear, concern on her face. "did you have a lot of important stuff on your phone?"

jungwon swallows. "j-just a few pictures. the other stuff was just a few phone numbers and stuff for school. i'll live. it's just... sentimental stuff," he mumbles.

"seriously, jongseong! how could you..." jongseong's mom goes on, but jongseong isn't listening. he's feeling a little too satisfied by the way jungwon's eyes tear up.

sunoo gets a call from an unknown number on his personal phone, and he picks it up without looking twice.

"kim sunoo."

"hey, sunoo. it's jungwon. i had to get a new number."

"wonnie! a new number? why?" he asks, automatically moving to save jungwon's new contact information.

"jongseong ran over my old phone."

"on purpose?"

"he says it wasn't on purpose, but how can you really know with him?" jungwon laughs, but it's hollow, and sunoo knows there's something wrong, so he treads carefully.

"want me to pass your number to appropriate people?"

"if you don't mind. i don't have everyone's number memorized."

"of course, little love. how've you been lately? it feels like ages since we've talked."

jungwon sighs through the phone, and sunoo wants nothing more than to be cuddling with him, washing away all his worries.

"everything's good. school is fine. i've been working on a few new pieces to be displayed at an art gallery downtown in a few weeks, so that's exciting."

"aww, and i'm gonna miss it? that's not fair. send me pictures, will you?"

"sure. i've gotta get back to work, though. art doesn't manifest itself, unfortunately."

"okay, wonnie. i miss you."

"i miss you, too, 'noo. when are you coming home?"

sunoo sighs. "soon."

jungwon chuckles. "soon. bye, sunoo. i love you."

"love you, too, wonnie." sunoo hangs up the phone before leaning back against his chair and pulling up the contact number, sliding it across the desk. "jungwon's new number. it sounds like jongseong went through his phone and found something he didn't wanna see."

"i know. i'm impressed he figured out the password on the third try. i guess he pays more attention to won than i thought." jake leans forward, picking up sunoo's phone, sweeping his eyes over the numbers before sliding it back over to him.

"when are you going back to see him?" sunoo asks, tilting his head to the side.

jake grins at him, leaning back and crossing his legs. "soon."

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