'cause i'm right here (waiting for us)

[spiritomb]

title: 'cause i'm right here (waiting for us)
pairing: heeseung/jungwon
rating: general
summary: heeseung is feeling nostalgic one night, so he calls his almost lover, not expecting him to pick up the phone at three in the morning.

notes: born from seeing the viking ride clip of heeseung and jungwon, and this exchange in my DMs:

amulet: When won chases after hee, Heeseung is ready to leave, when won catches up to him in college, hee is already halfway out the door, when won reaches out to him on a seemingly random night, hee reaches out but by the time he’s caught up to his feelings, won has left

me: i feel like someone just punched me in the heart

 

title from waiting for us by stray kids.

the nostalgia hits heeseung the way it always does: at three in the morning, leaving him gasping for air and a dull ache in his heart.

it feels like it’s been years since he thought of the younger boy, the way he used to look up at him and smile, the playful pout of his lips when he was being petulant, the way his eyes crinkled when he laughed.

heeseung isn’t drunk. he doesn’t have an excuse to unplug his phone, scroll down to his name (miniwon, the contact name still reads, with a cat emoji next to it), and swipe on it to call. he doesn’t have an excuse as he bites his lip, listening to the phone ring once, twice, three times.

and he doesn’t have an excuse for the way his heart flutters when a voice answers the phone.

“hello?”

heeseung closes his eyes. jungwon’s voice still sounds mostly the same. maybe it’s a little deeper, maybe he’s just hoarse from just waking up.

“heeseung? are you there?”

“yeah. yeah, i’m here. sorry, jungwon. i didn’t think you’d pick up the phone this late at night.” i didn’t think of what i would say if you picked up.

jungwon chuckles over the phone, and heeseung hears a squeak in the background. “i couldn’t sleep so i was doing a little bit of extra work. deadlines wait for no man.”

“right. are you still working for that one studio?”

they catch up on their lives quietly. nothing seems to have changed between them but everything seems to have changed. and sooner than heeseung would’ve liked, the sun is rising, but he really doesn’t want to hang up on jungwon’s soft snores.

 

 

 

 

 

heeseung calls him again, this time at four in the morning, almost a month and a half later.

there have been scattered text conversations here and there, but nothing beyond polite small talk.

again, when jungwon answers the phone, heeseung is still silent, but he can almost hear jungwon’s smile.

they stay that way, in silence, until jungwon hears heeseung mumble something in his sleep a few hours later.

the sun rises, and jungwon hangs up the phone.

 

 

 

 

 

this pattern goes on for a while. heeseung calls at obscene hours in the morning at random, and jungwon will always answer.

sometimes, they’ll talk, and sometimes, it’s completely silent until one of them falls asleep.

but this night is different.

jungwon calls him first.

and heeseung doesn’t know because his phone is on silent, tucked away in the pocket of his jeans on the floor as he tumbles with someone else in bed.

jungwon bites his lip when he gets heeseung’s voicemail, a small, sad smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

just like it’s always been…

 

 

 

 

 

heeseung stares at the missed call from jungwon on his phone the next day.

oh. shit. i’ll call him back, he thinks, chewing at his lip.

then jungwon slips his mind again.

and again.

and again.

 

 

 

 

 

it’s been two months since heeseung’s last call to jungwon. two months when he finally decides to call him back, and the call (at three in the morning) is answered with silence.

the silence stretches on like it normally does until jungwon sighs.

“it was never the right time for us, was it?” jungwon asks softly.

heeseung feels his heart squeeze.

“i was always chasing after you when you were ready to leave. and by the time i caught up, it was time for you to go again.”

heeseung squeezes his eyes shut. he’s not ready for this conversation.

“jungwon…”

“it’s okay, hee. you don’t have to say anything.”

heeseung doesn’t realize there are tears falling down his face until jungwon hangs up.

 

 

 

 

 

when heeseung calls the next time, jungwon doesn’t answer.

he listens to the voicemail message and waits for the beep.

when the tone sounds, heeseung is silent for almost a minute.

“… i'm sorry. maybe someday... it'll be right for us. goodbye, jungwon.”