you can drag me through hell (if it meant i could hold your hand) [3/4]

[spiritomb]

title: you can drag me through hell (if it meant i could hold your hand)
pairing: jay/jungwon, jake/jungwon, sunoo/jungwon
rating: mature
summary: so, we've come full circle, jongseong thinks.

---

when jongseong takes jungwon home, the penthouse looks like nothing had ever happened there.

and just like that, jungwon’s rage, his mental break, his heat induced frenzy is erased, like an unfortunate blemish, like jongseong's mistake never happened, so there are no consequences for his actions.

jungwon doesn't say a word to him, slipping into his bedroom with a soft click of the door and lock behind him.

his world shifts again.

jongseong still drops jungwon off at school and picks him up, but when he asks him questions, jungwon only answers the question, nothing more, nothing less. jungwon doesn’t ask about how jongseong's work is going, if sunghoon is still driving him crazy. he doesn’t talk about any new projects he’s working on, what stupid thing niki is trying to convince him to try since the microwaved strawberry debacle.

jongseong stops coming home for dinner, so jungwon eats alone at the kitchen island, staring into space, mouth moving mechanically. he still goes to visit jongseong’s mother, and she knows something is wrong, but keeps quiet, giving jungwon’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze and says, i know you’re suffering. it’s okay. it just makes you stronger. do you want me to talk to him?

there's nothing you can say to him to make him change who he is, jungwon says to her.

now that he's back, sunoo comes to visit to check on him, making sure he’s eating, and jongseong isn’t overstepping his boundaries. jungwon insists he’s fine, but sunoo’s never going to believe the words ‘i’m fine’ from him ever again, not that jungwon could blame him.

sunoo mentions the apartment across from sunghoon's is vacant, but jungwon dismisses it.

i can't tuck my metaphorical tail between my legs and run now. i don't want him to think he actually means anything to me, jungwon tells him, and sunoo is mad, pointing out the gap in logic there, but ultimately, he leaves jungwon be for now.

if jungwon is still awake when jongseong comes home, he’ll come by and press a soft kiss to his forehead or cheek before heading to shower. jungwon never responds to the gesture, attention never wandering from what he's doing.

he’s mutely aware that he’s never seen jongseong go through a rut at home. he assumes he checks himself somewhere to suffer (suffer is used loosely here) through it away from jungwon, whether it be a clinic or a hotel room with someone else in his bed. jungwon leaves for jongseong's mom's house or a heat clinic when his heats approach, having learned his lesson.

on more than one occasion, jungwon smells the telltale scent of another omega on jongseong when he comes home. those nights, jongseong doesn’t kiss jungwon, heading straight for the shower. jungwon is always in his bedroom with the door locked by the time he finishes.

---

jongseong learns the hard way that though jungwon may seem like he's impervious to him, it's not entirely true.

he comes home late one night, smelling strongly of alcohol and omega. jungwon is still awake when he opens the door, sitting on the couch with a book in his lap. the smell nearly makes him gag.

“really? is that really necessary?” he asks, throwing his book onto the coffee table, stalking towards jongseong as he closes the door behind him.

“jun'won, iss late. why you up?” he slurs, wobbling unsteadily on his feet as he tries to take off his shoes.

jungwon reaches out and grabs the collar of his shirt, pulling jongseong down closer to him and taking a few tentative sniffs at the side of his neck, wrinkling his nose when he smells someone else. it’s the fourth time this week, and jungwon's patience has worn thin.

“are they that good you have to keep going back to them?”

“no. juss… juss tryin’ no’ to think ‘bout you. you’re so fuckin’ bea’iful, wonnie. iss so hard… juss wan’ you to love me…”

“do you realize how fucking pathetic you are?” jungwon whispers before pulling jongseong along behind him by his shirt. jongseong stumbles behind him, apologizing drunkenly over and over again.

“’m sorry, wonnie. ‘m sorry. juss tell me wha’ t’do. tell me how t’make you happy. i’ll do anythin’. please.”

“anything?” jungwon asks, grabbing his hands and pinning his wrists above his head.

“anything.”

--

jongseong wakes up when the sun hits his face, making him groan. his mouth feels drier than the sahara desert, and his head feels like someone is taking a drill to his left eye.

“fuck,” he groans, forcing his eyes open. his neck is throbbing, and when he looks down, he sees a trail of purple and red hickies and teeth marks marring his chest, stopping at the edge of his pants.

he closes his eyes, and the smell of cashmere, vanilla, and cedar invade his senses, making him gasp. flashes of jungwon from last night, straddling him, growling, biting, licking, sucking at his skin-

jongseong nearly falls out of bed, throwing open the door to his bedroom, and running for the kitchen where jungwon is sitting, flipping the page of his book.

he looks up when jongseong comes to a skidding stop, eyes wide. jungwon’s eyes look from his neck, following the trail of marks to his pants before he frowns.

“what? came to show off the fruits of your labor?”

"you... you didn't... this isn't..." he blinks in confusion at jungwon before flying towards him and breathing in deep next to his neck. jongseong smells the usual lavender and tea tree before jungwon hisses at him, slamming his book closed. the throbbing in his head explodes, making him groan and press his hands to his eyes.

"what the fuck is wrong with you?" jungwon shoves him out of the way before stalking off, making as much noise as possible. for good measure, he slams the door to his bedroom, too, making jongseong cry out in pain.

did i imagine that?

--

jongseong chalks it up to being a dream. a really vivid, wet dream that he revisits too often to mention. 

he walks on eggshells around jungwon for the next couple of days, and when jungwon chooses to acknowledge him, he gives him a look mixed with disbelief and confusion.

“are you okay? what the hell are you doing?”

jongseong drops the mug in his hands in surprise, spilling coffee all over the kitchen island, making jungwon yelp and shove his things out of the way, running for a towel.

“shit! i’m sorry, won- i didn’t expect you to- fuck.”

“didn’t expect me to what? move out of the way if you’re just gonna stand there!” jungwon shoves him out of the way, throwing the towel in between the creeping coffee and his books.

jungwon grabs his books and moves them into the living room before coming back to clean up the spill.

“what’s with you? did something happen at work?"

“not really,” jongseong mutters to himself as jungwon walks by him, throwing the towels into the sink.

jungwon just shakes his head and rolls his eyes. he grabs his things from the living room and moves back to his study, leaving the door open.

it’s the most jungwon’s said to him in days, and jongseong doesn't want it to end so soon, so he follows him there, leaning in the doorway, watching jungwon get comfy at his desk on the other side.

“hey, won?”

jungwon turns his head back, eyebrows raised in question.

jongseong wants to ask him about the other night because the flashes in his memory are entirely too vivid to just be his imagination. he opens his mouth, then closes it again. jungwon raises his eyebrows even higher, blinking at him expectantly. "well?"

time to bite the bullet, jongseong thinks. “how drunk was i when i came home the other day?”

jungwon snorts, spinning his chair around to face him, arms over his chest. “which time? you came back drunk every other day.”

jongseong inwardly winces. maybe he should lay off the drinking after all. “the most recent time.”

“ah. i could smell the alcohol on you before you opened the door. you fell and almost threw up on our shoes. i had to clean you up and drag you to bed.”

jongseong blinks a few times. “that’s all?” he asks hesitantly.

“and you smelled like a random ass omega, so i’m gonna assume there was some fucking involved. anything else?” jungwon gives him a wry smile full of teeth, and jongseong shakes his head.

“no… just… sorry. i’ll try to stop coming back like that.”

“thanks. just stay at the hotel with whatever omega graces your bed.” jungwon turns around and turns on his music, cranking up the volume until the buzzing in his head stops.

he doesn’t expect to feel jongseong’s hands on his shoulders, gently massaging them. jungwon tenses, but when jongseong’s thumb wears away at a particularly tense knot, he relaxes with a sigh, reaching out to turn down the volume of his music.

“i don’t mean to,” jongseong says softly, “i’m just trying not to do something that’ll make you hate me more than you already do.”

“you’re doing a really shitty job, just so you know.” jungwon leans his head all the way back, and jongseong moves his hands to the sides of his face instead.

“i know. i’m sorry.” jongseong leans down and kisses jungwon’s forehead softly.

jungwon sighs, reaching up to cover jongseong’s hands with his own. “why do you have to be like this? i know this won't last. do you really have to be like this?"

soft brown eyes meet his own, and jongseong swallows. "i'm sorry."

"you're always sorry."

"i always fuck up when it comes to you."

"you know it, and yet you keep doing it."

"it's... not on purpose."

jungwon sits back up as jongseong sidles in front of him, leaning on his desk, reaching back out to hold his face in his hands.

"why do you sleep with them then? why the parade of omegas through your bed?"

jongseong sighs, brushing jungwon's cheeks with his thumbs. "because your existence tempts me. because if i don't, i might do something to you that'll make you resent me for the rest of your life with no chance of redemption."

"what're you trying to say, jongseong?"

"i..."

jungwon looks at him, eyes wide and innocent, though jongseong knows he's far from innocent. he's been hurt too much, suffered through too much to be innocent. but there he is, sitting there, waiting. jungwon. his jungwon.

"i love you, jungwon." jongseong leans closer. "i love you so much, and i just want you to love me, too," he whispers before closing the distance between them.

the kiss is tender. jungwon reaches up to hold onto jongseong's wrists, gently moving his lips against his. pleasure shoots through every nerve ending in jongseong's body as he loses himself in jungwon's softness, the smell of lavender swirling with a burning campfire. it burns like a candle, slow and sensual.

this is everything jongseong's ever wanted and more. he's never felt so close to jungwon before in his life, the moment endlessly more intimate than anything he could've imagined.

jungwon pulls away first, but he doesn't go far. jongseong leans their foreheads together, turning slightly so their noses bump.

"jungwon..."

jungwon sighs, letting go of his wrists and leaning back out of his grasp.

"i'm sorry, jongseong. i can't. i just can't."

jongseong feel jungwon reaching into his ribcage and squeezing his heart.

"that's fine." no, it's not, it'll never be fine, what can't you just love me like i love you?  "i'll take your attention any way i can get it," he says, breathless.

---

so, we've come full circle, jongseong thinks. jungwon is treating him just like he used to when they were kids. actually, he would've preferred it if jungwon treated him that way. at least he showed some emotion. now, every glance is met with a blank stare. jungwon doesn't say more than a few words to him, ignoring him the rest of the time.

he spends more time out of the penthouse, hanging out with sunoo and sunghoon. jongseong is waiting for when he says he wants to move away, especially after he hears sunoo reminding jungwon of the empty apartment across from him and sunghoon ever so often.

but he never hears jungwon bring it up around him.

when it's the two of them alone, there's no tension left in the air. there's nothing. the air is calm and still. jungwon shows nothing, and jongseong doesn't like it.

jungwon doesn't even get mad like he used to anymore. he doesn't get mad at jongseong leaving his clothes strewn wherever he goes. he doesn't get mad at him for eating the last of his ice cream (on purpose, just to see if jungwon will say anything. spoiler alert: he doesn't).

jongseong even goes as far as to 'accidentally' kill one of his cacti (injang, the pot reads. he can't believe jungwon actually names them). he's there when jungwon discovers the broken cactus and sighs heavily, pulling out his phone to see if there are any ways to save it.

in the end, jongseong's mother finds out ("if i hear one more complaint from jungwon, i am coming over there, and it won't be pretty, park jongseong!") and takes him to the farmer's market to get another one. so now, jungwon has one named garden and one named miniwon. 

then on the weekends, jungwon goes on lunch dates with sunoo, where the latter expects a full five-page essay front and back on what happens between him and jongseong.

"he really killed your cactus? wasn't that a gift from his mom to you?"

"it was. he keeps trying to piss me off, and i just... don't have it in me to be mad." 

"that's not good for you, wonnie. bottling up your feelings isn't healthy in the first place, but especially not for an omega. the stress will mess with your hormones, and we all saw what happened last time. just move. please? we can have daily skincare evenings and cuddles until hoonie drags me back across the hall."

"maybe i should," jungwon muses. "or at least, threaten with it, so he'll leave me alone for a little bit."

"aside from that, have things been any better since the... nest incident?"

jungwon bristles slightly at the mention of it, making sunoo reach across the table and rub the back of his hand in apology. he smiles when jungwon unconsciously curls his fingers into his own.

"he's trying, as surprising as that sounds. but both you and i know how that usually turns out. we kinda had a talk, and it... i just had to reiterate that i wasn't going to fall in love with him."

sunoo snorts, picking up his tea to take a sip. "did he ever stand a chance?"

"against who?"

"you know who."

jungwon hasn't told sunoo about how sometimes, he wakes up in the middle of the night, arms wrapped around himself in a desperate attempt to hold onto his dreams.

he hasn't told him about how sometimes, his heart aches so much, he wants to crack his ribs open and pull out the broken pieces of his heart.

he especially won't tell him about how he holds his shirt at night every now and then, though the scent is long gone, and cries.

he won't tell him about how the only reason he doesn't love jongseong is because he's still so hopelessly in love with jake.

--

while jungwon is gone, jongseong goes through his sketches in the study, flipping through everything he's working on. he doesn't dig through his desk, too afraid to see something he doesn't want to see. he doesn't remember the last time jungwon told him about what he's working on, just that it's for school.

jongseong nearly missed his first gallery showing because jungwon didn't mention it to him, only finding out from sunghoon who found out from sunoo. he showed up to the gallery late to see jungwon shaking hands and talking with important people in the art district.

the pieces displayed were all things jongseong had seen before, but he still wanted to be there, just to bask in the fact that other people were enjoying jungwon's art. 

he remembers approaching jungwon, admiring how immaculately dressed he looks, and forcing a smile to his face when he greets a familiar face, one of his business partners.

"jay! fancy seeing you here," his partner says.

"wouldn't miss it for the world." jongseong doesn't miss the opportunity to drape his arm around jungwon's waist, pressing a soft kiss to his temple.

his partner makes the connection and nods. "ah! so this is the famous jungwon you always talk about. i should've known."

jungwon casts a diplomatic smile, the three of them talking for a moment until his partner excuses himself to greet others.

"why didn't you tell me about this?" jongseong whispers into jungwon's ear, glancing at the people walking by, greeting him and jungwon. "i had to find out from sunghoon."

jungwon keeps the smile plastered on his face before leaning his head back. "because i didn't want you here. i should've known better, huh?"

jongseong pulls himself from his thoughts and sighs.

"are you done looking through my stuff?" jungwon's voice floats over from the door, and jongseong makes no motion to move.

"no. i just wanted to know what you've been working on lately."

the light flicks on, and jongseong finally looks up to see jungwon reaching for the covered canvas in the room and pulling off the cloth, taking a step back and looking at jongseong expectantly.

jongseong walks over to it and stills.

it's a self-portrait, reflected through broken pieces of a mirror. each version of him is a little bit different, but jongseong can feel the pain radiating from each one.

"i hate looking at myself. i can't stand it, but sometimes, it's all i can see, how fucking broken i am."

jongseong sees the loathing in jungwon's eyes, but it doesn't stop him from closing the distance between them and pulling jungwon into his arms. jungwon struggles, of course, but jongseong just holds onto him tighter until he gives up, falling silent in his arms.

"why can't you just let me love you, jungwon? why do you always have to struggle?"

jungwon stands quietly in his arms, thinking. "you and i. we're two broken people." he pushes at jongseong again until he finally relents and loosens his grip. "but instead of completing each other, our jagged edges just break off pieces of each other. we're not meant to fit together. we were never meant to fit together."

in all his years of life, jongseong's never felt pain quite like the way jungwon's words tear him apart.

---

time flies.

“your birthday is coming up,” jongseong says as he drives jungwon home from school one day.

“it is.” jungwon's eyes are closed as he leans back against the headrest. school had given him a headache, and he's ready for it to be over.

“do you want to do anything? it’s your coming of age.”

“no. not really. i don’t celebrate my birthday. you know that.” jongseong does know that, unfortunately.

“i’ll have to throw a party for you as a formality, so i can introduce you to some of our business partners. they’ve been asking about you since your first gallery showing."

“then why did you even ask me?” jungwon's eyes stay closed, but he furrows his eyebrows, frown appearing on his face.

“just making sure you didn’t want to do anything else is all.” jongseong sighs, casting a sideways glance at him.

jongseong can hardly believe how much jungwon has changed since they rescued him from the clutches of his tragic household.

he’s lost some of the fat in his cheeks, but it’s still there when he smiles and laughs, however infrequent it is. the slopes of his face are sharper, accenting the slant of his eyes that make him look more like a dangerous wild cat.

he's gotten a little taller, but he’s still shorter than jongseong. his shoulders are a little broader, muscle more defined, thanks to the time he spends at the gym with sunghoon. sunghoon’s complained about being boxed in the head too hard by jungwon a few times.

jungwon still keeps jongseong at arm’s distance. they feel more like acquaintances than anything else, and jongseong can’t help but miss the days before The Nest Incident™.

“it’ll be next weekend, if you had any friends you wanted to invite or anything.” jongseong parks the car, and jungwon gets out without another word to him.

---

sunoo is bouncing around jungwon, putting on the final touches of his makeup for his birthday party.

"look at you. my little love, all grown up. i can't believe this." sunoo fake sniffles and squishes jungwon's face for a moment before sighing and going back to blending out his eyeshadow. jungwon's mind is too far away right now.

"would you mind... could you do me a favor at this party?" jongseong asks him as he brings out his clothes. though jungwon's outfit is simple, he knows jongseong probably spent a fortune on it, especially the expensive brand name choker sitting snug around his neck. jungwon didn't protest when jongseong showed it to him, sitting still as he put it on, tightening it enough so it wouldn't move but still comfortable.

"what is it?" jungwon remembers the apprehensive look on jongseong's face, and how odd it looks on him, being insecure.

"you can say no, but could you... be a little affectionate? i don't want them to think you're free game. they can be a bit..." he trails off, but jungwon can hazard a guess at what he means.

"... sure. i guess it won't kill me. just keep them off me."

when sunoo sees the choker after jungwon arrives at his place for hair and makeup, he makes a face but doesn't comment out loud. he makes jungwon sit down in the bathroom and says things like, primer, and waterproof, eyeshadow, cat eye, and whatever else.

jungwon doesn't say much, nodding in approval when sunoo asks for his opinion on something. sunoo reaches out and unbuttons the top few buttons of the oversized green and black checkered shirt tucked into torn, black, skinny jeans, claiming he needed to show off some more skin.

"shouldn't i be wearing a suit and tie or something, meeting your business partners?" jungwon asks him, but jongseong shakes his head. "it's still your birthday party. i emphasized the casual aspect of it, so you'd feel a little more comfortable, hopefully."

"wonnie?"

jungwon blinks a few times, looking up at sunoo. "yeah? sorry. just... it's kinda surreal, that's all. it's here."

sunoo smiles at him gently and stands behind him, starting to mess with his hair. "i can't believe it, either. it feels like just yesterday, i watched you murder jay with your eyes at the party where he claimed you."

jungwon snorts. jongseong inserted himself in his life, and now, he's become such a natural part of it, jungwon's not sure if he can imagine life without him. what would life be like if he never saw me?

"have you two talked about what happens now?" now that you're old enough to be mated. jungwon hears sunoo's unspoken words loud and clear, and it fills him with dread.

"no. not really. honestly, i'm... i want to move out. i already got accepted to the university downtown, the one near where you and sunghoon live. i wanna find a job, learn to hate retail like everyone else, live the starving college student life."

sunoo laughs, teasing jungwon's hair with his hands and brushing some product into his hair. "keep dreaming, jungwon. there's no way in hell jay would let you live the starving college student life. i'm surprised he hasn't tried to sell you on the kept omega life."

"you say it like i have a choice." jungwon's lips curl up in an amused grin, and sunoo stops, frowning at him. 

"you always have a choice, jungwon. jay isn't your only option. he's just the louder, more annoying, persistent option. there's always me!" sunoo leans over and kisses jungwon's cheek obnoxiously, making him giggle and shove sunoo away, wiping at his face.

"sunghoon would snap my neck in my sleep."

"then i'd snap his while he's fully awake. he gets no say in the matter."

jungwon leans back against sunoo, arms across his chest. 

"but i know who you'd pick, if you could. would you even have to think about it?" sunoo asks, throwing his arms over jungwon's shoulders, pressing his nose into his hair.

"depends on who you think it is. i'll always pick you first, 'noo." jungwon turns his head and nuzzles into the side of sunoo's neck for a moment, making the older boy smile with pride.

"fuck, i'm so tempted just to snatch you away from jay right now. we can just run off into the sunset together, and they'll never find us."

jungwon rolls his eyes, turning to look at himself in the mirror again. sunoo somehow manages to make him look simultaneously like himself and not himself at the same time. his eyes look so feline, jungwon almost wants to start purring for good measure, but that's probably the omega in him talking. the makeup accents the angles in his face, but it doesn't completely take away the fluff of his cheeks.

"ready to make your debut into our society?" sunoo asks softly, kissing jungwon's temple.

"no. but when has that ever mattered?"

--

all eyes are on jungwon when he arrives fashionably late to his own birthday party.

jongseong is already inside, making small talk with his associates when the doors open to his parents' house, and jungwon walks inside with sunoo and sunghoon in tow.

time stops around him. jongseong nearly drops the drink in his hands, but his jaw drops slightly before he snaps it shut and swallows thickly. jungwon's eyes scan the room until they meet jongseong's, and a small, knowing smile appears on his face.

jongseong is numbly aware jungwon is walking towards him, wholly unprepared for his next actions. jungwon slides his arm around jongseong's waist and kisses his jawline softly. "sorry, i'm a little late, babe. sunoo insisted on making sure i looked good enough to eat," he says loud enough for the circle to hear.

jungwon turns to the rest of the group, taking note of which ones have a glint in their eyes before introducing himself. "hello, everyone. i'm yang jungwon. thanks for coming out to celebrate my birthday."

"man of the hour! it's nice to finally meet you! all jay does is talk about you." there are more introductions made, and jungwon shakes each of their hands, batting his eyelashes. when he finally returns to jongseong, he feels his arm snake out and grab onto his waist.

the small talk is almost painful for jongseong as he watches jungwon navigate it with ease, diplomatic smile on his face. if he didn't know any better, he'd say jungwon is comfortable here.

sunoo watches the pair move from circle to circle, jongseong introducing jungwon to various people. he takes a sip of his drink and purses his lips.

it won't be much longer now.

--

all eyes are on jongseong and jungwon while jongseong makes a toast to the boy. the way jungwon looks at jongseong with such fondness in his eyes, he's pretty sure he's dreaming, but when he pinches his leg with his hand in his pocket, he knows he's not dreaming.

he also knows jungwon is just pretending, but he'll take the affections for the night.

this is what it could be like, he thinks, unable to help the smile that graces his lips.

jongseong lists some of jungwon's achievements, and jungwon's ears turn red from the cheering, especially when he can pick out sunoo's voice.

the whole room raises their glasses to toast, but jongseong's drink is missing until sunoo appears, handing him a glass. "... here's to many more birthdays, surrounded by love and happiness. to yang jungwon."

jungwon wets his lips with the alcohol, like he's been doing all night and places his glass down.

"don't tell me you're gonna keep him to yourself all night long, jay! c'mon, jungwon! my omega's been dying to meet you!" jongseong protests weakly, but jungwon shushes him with a press of his finger to his lips.

"i'll be fine. go say hi to some other people." and then jungwon disappears into the crowd, following one of his associates.

jongseong sighs as he gets pulled into another conversation he's not actually interested in. all he wants is to be next to jungwon, basking in the feigned affection.

how many drinks have i had? jongseong stares at the drink on his head, feeling his head go fuzzy. it hasn't been that many... i think... fuck... cut back, jay, jeeze.

jongseong excuses himself for a moment, heading for the bathroom. he stumbles halfway there, and he feels someone grab his arm and pull him up to his feet. his eyes won't focus, and he can hear someone speaking, someone saying something to him before he feels his arm slung over someone's shoulders and being led away.

--

jungwon is laughing at a joke someone tells him when his eyes fall on jongseong across the room. he has his arm slung over someone, leaning in close to them. jungwon wants to look away but he can't. the others notice him staring and turn to see jongseong heading up the stairs and disappearing.

jungwon stares into the darkness upstairs for a moment before clearing his throat and plastering a smile on his face. "i guess he had a little too much to drink."

"ah, jay. never learns his lesson. you'd think he'd be less of a lightweight by now." everyone laughs, and jungwon joins in, laughter sounding hollow even in his ears.

then he spots sunoo at the base of the stairs, shaking his head and heading up in the same direction jongseong went.

"speaking of too much to drink, i think i'm gonna go get a little bit of fresh air. excuse me," jungwon says quietly, heading for the front doors.

jungwon can't get outside fast enough, feeling an unfamiliar squeeze in his heart. it's one thing for him to see the aftermath of jongseong going out and fucking other people, but it's another thing to see him in the act of doing it.

at my own damn birthday party that i didn't even want, he thinks bitterly. jungwon stops. no. being mad means you care. do not. stop it. sunoo will take care of it.

jungwon sighs and keeps walking. he walks until the sight of his favorite park greets him, until he sees the familiar outline of his favorite set of swings. he stops in front of the swing, reaching out to pull at the chains, holding them against his face, sighing when it cools his heated skin.

he feels ridiculous now, agreeing to indulge in jongseong's request for affection. you give him what he wants, and it's still not enough. it will never be enough. the omega in him whines at the thought. he can handle the rejection from the alpha when it's his doing, when he's pushing on purpose, but when he tries? when jungwon puts in the effort, and jongseong still leaves him like this?

jungwon thinks of sunoo instead, how sunoo is always happy to see him. how sunoo feels like warmth, protection, and affection. safety. he thinks of the times they spent in private, curled up together, cocooned in their blended scents. it's been so long since jungwon's felt completely at ease like he does with sunoo.

suddenly, a pair of hands cover his eyes, and jungwon tenses.

he knows those hands. he spent an entire summer feverishly memorizing the callouses, the dips, the scars, the lines. he memorized them until he could feel them from memory.

a voice chuckles next to his ear, making him gasp, the cold air burning his lungs.

“hey, angel. miss me?”

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